Question 1

What happens if my ex never signs up?

Accepted Answer

By default, nothing happens, and they never learn you were looking. Your search simply stays open — they would have to independently decide to look for you before either of us knows anything. If you'd rather not wait, you can choose to send them a one-time anonymous text hint yourself (see below); that's entirely optional. Without it, your search waits quietly until you close it.

Question 2

Will my ex find out I searched for them?

Accepted Answer

No. The person you name is never notified, never contacted by our matching, and never shown that anyone is looking for them. The only way they ever learn it was you is if they independently sign up and name you too — and even then, only after a person on our team has reviewed the match. The one exception is a hint text, which only happens if you choose to send one, and even that never says who it's from.

Question 3

What's "send a hint by text"?

Accepted Answer

A separate, fully optional feature for members. Instead of waiting for the automatic match above, you can send one fixed, anonymous text to a phone number, letting that person know someone misses them and pointing them to a page where they can search too. We never tell them who sent it. If they don't independently name you back, they never find out it was you; if they do, it goes through the same review and match process as anyone else. Nothing is ever sent unless you ask us to, and anyone can permanently block a number from ever receiving one at whenwematch.co/optout, no account needed.

Question 4

How do you know it's really them?

Accepted Answer

Every potential match goes through a 48-hour manual review by a real person on our team before anyone is notified. We cross-check the details both people provided — names, profile links, location history, approximate age — to confirm the two of you are describing each other and not a coincidence. If anything doesn't line up, the match doesn't go through.

Question 5

What information do you actually need from me?

Accepted Answer

Enough to recognize you and the person you're hoping to find — and nothing about the relationship itself. For each of you we need at least one identifier: a Facebook profile link, an Instagram handle, or a phone number (for the person you name, an email works too). These are essentially required, because they're how our review team confirms a match is genuinely the two of you — without at least one on each side, a match can't be made even if you both name each other. The more you can add, the more confidently we can verify. We never show any of it to the other person; it's used only to find and confirm a match.

Question 6

What if I change my mind after signing up?

Accepted Answer

You can pause or delete your search at any time from your account. If you delete it before a match is made, the person you named is never told you were looking. There is no lock-in and no ongoing charge.

Question 7

How do you protect against stalkers or abusers?

Accepted Answer

Several ways, by design. A confirmed match is never one-sided: our matching system never reveals that someone is looking for you unless you've independently said you're looking for them too, and every match is reviewed by a human before anyone is notified. Separately, a member can choose to send one anonymous text hint to a phone number — that's a deliberate, opt-in action by that person, not something our matching does on its own, and it's covered by the same locked, non-editable message every time. If you'd rather never receive one, you can permanently block your number at whenwematch.co/optout, no account needed. You can also report a concern at any point — we will always side with caution.

Question 8

Is my information shared with my ex before the match is confirmed?

Accepted Answer

No. The details you provide are used only to find and verify a match. The other person never sees them. When our review team confirms a match, a private chat opens between you — but no contact information is exchanged; you share only what you choose, from inside that chat.

Question 9

Can I search for more than one person?

Accepted Answer

Each search is for one person — an ex or someone you had feelings for. We did this on purpose: this isn't a numbers game, and casting a wide net is the opposite of what When We Match is for. If your feelings change, you can switch who you're searching for, though doing so resets that search.

Question 10

What happens if my ex finds me but I've moved on?

Accepted Answer

You're never obligated to talk. If a match is confirmed, a private chat opens — but you can leave it unanswered, end the chat at any time, or close your search. The other person is only ever told that the chat ended — never that you walked away, and never that they were the one you'd named. You're allowed to have moved on.

Question 11

How long does my account stay active?

Accepted Answer

For as long as you want it to. Your search stays open for life unless you close it — there's no expiration and no renewal fee. We'll watch for as long as you want us to.

The things people ask before they begin

Still deciding?

The things people ask before they begin

What happens if my ex never signs up?+−

Will my ex find out I searched for them?+−

What's "send a hint by text"?+−

How do you know it's really them?+−

What information do you actually need from me?+−

What if I change my mind after signing up?+−

How do you protect against stalkers or abusers?+−

Is my information shared with my ex before the match is confirmed?+−

Can I search for more than one person?+−

What happens if my ex finds me but I've moved on?+−

How long does my account stay active?+−

Still deciding?